| Simple as that. What's the point in being consumed by the past and thoughts of make-believe happiness? Life is now and life is vibrant and inexplicable and unpredictable. Life is fluid and ever-changing. Change with it.
MySpace blog by me:
It's silly, really, how everything can change without you ever seeing it coming.
It's silly to think about how much our thoughts and attitude affect our every day.
It's so very silly to think about A Year In The Life Of Me, and how much it is going to affect every single one ahead.
I wish I knew what it was that happened to make this pessimist re-enter the world of optimism. I would do it every day.
(Unless you're horribly bored, you may want to STOP READING NOW)
It has been said that times of pain and heartache, all those lovely all-to-human emotions, can teach you the most about yourself and the world. I think I'm going to have to agree -partially. Personally, in the past two-ish months when I've been so randomly happy (still not complaining) is when I was really able to figure all kinds of stuff out.
Jeez, where do I begin?
First of all, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it what you will. Life is many things, mysterious, confusing, even absurd, but I have a hard time believing that it's entirely just up to random chance - it's just way to complex and interconnected. This web of ours, it's a beautiful thing. Emotional pain, frustration, all of that, it's not there for the mere torment of your soul; through that pain, we are able to evolve (devole and revolve) as people. That pain is just as necessary for our growth and development as travel, learning, and socializing. "Learn from your mistakes" is a ridiculous phrase, but there is undeniable truth to it. I can't even begin to express how much I've changed in the past year.
Which leads me on to the topic of myself ;)
It's hard to figure out who you are or who you want to be when there is no conflict or resistance in the way. That was me for years. My childhood was happy and I got along well with my parents (still do), I've only recently had my first real emotional speedbump. I got over it. And now there is no awkwardness and there are absolutely no hard feelings concerning the incicent nor are there any sort of "secret feelings" or whatever. But that's not the point I'm trying to make here. The point is, it happened, and because of the experience, I was able to come out of it stronger and somewhat more wiser to the ways of the world. One of the things that I've figured out through all this is that the past should have a special trunk in your attic of memories where it can remain unscathed and untainted by the present and future, and if you ever want to, you can simply pull it out and reminice fondly - not let it affect daily life. Sometimes it felt like everything was right in the world, sometimes it really really didn't, but as long as you don't linger over those memories you're free to live in the present. (what? way to be cheesey, Miranda.)
Anyway, I got super side tracked. Yadda Yadda Yadda. The other day I had a chance to compare a 14-year-old version of myself to my now me and it was absolutely ridiculous. I don't know why I was so angry then and I don't know why I was always down on myself. But again, I think it's more important that I know why I'm NOT those things now. It's been years, but finally, I get it. There's no use in trying to be "sexy" or like some sort of beauty queen, or any of those ridiculous female images given to us Americans. Being me is way more important. I'm a spaz, a nerd, a bit of a hippie, sometimes I'm decently pretty, but sometimes I want nothing more to stay in my pajamas all day. I'm super affectionate, I like giving little gifts for no real reason (or for the only real reason), I like to talk and I don't like to talk, I like adventures with cars and asphalt and I like relaxing on the couch with a remote or a book, I love to learn and am attracted to good grammar. I love smiles that are just for me, and I love crinkly-eyed laughter. I feel loved when a person takes the time and effort to get to know me well enough to know when I need a hug or a cuddle just by looking at me. I could go on and on with all my Miranda-ness, but again, sidetracked. The point I was trying to make was that somewhere out there, I'll find someone who truly appreciates those things about me and it's completely useless to try to change any of my essential Miranda-isms because that's just being untruthful. Which is lame.
My name is Miranda Flores and I'm a romantic, plain and simple. Execpt nothing is entirely simple when it comes to matters of the heart (oh my, again with the cheese). I want to live in the present, while keeping a watchful eye on the future, I want to be swept off my feet, and I want to always strive for happiness, even though a lifetime is way too large of a thing to expect something as magical as happiness to be entirely continuous.
My name is Miranda Flores and I'm a sucker for a guy who would
make me a mixed cd,
plan a random picnic,
laugh at my stupid jokes (and believe me, they can be super stupid),
who is perfectly imperfect and
is unafraid to step it up and go after what he wants.
:)
Well, that's all, folks. I didn't start this with any clear plan of what to talk about, so I'm not unhappy with the complete A.D.D. is possesses. But I feel like i achieved what I set out to say. Besides, there's always the EDIT button :) |
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